08 September 2003 | 8:37 p.m.,

trying to be cheerful & falling asleep

I had a pretty craptastic day it must be said. Partly I'm in a bit of a funk and partly I wa sjust really tired and didn't have the energy to pretend to be cheery and stuff. I just walked around all day with my face tripping me. I'm such a nice person to be around!! Nah, I suppose I wasn't abd - not like I was being horrid to people or really crabbit. I was just really quiet and not smiling so much. I think more than anything it was just the lack of sleep on saturday night catching up with me. That'll teach me to go out partying and pretending I've got a life!!!

Even Del commented that I looked tired today and asked what was wrong. He then started going "did anyone tell you?? did PJ tell you?" and I jumped to the conclusion that I must have something stuck to my back [donkey tail] or that he was going to tell me I was an ugly bitch or something life enhancing like that but no.. He got engaged on Friday. It was sweet how obviously excited he was about it & bursting to tell everyone but christ on a bike, he's only 18! That just seems so young to even be thinking about getting married but I guess as long as they are happy and maybe they aren't going to get hitched right away anyway..

Course I said something later to Old T about how Del had told me and he was like

"are you not wishing it was you?"

"what? getting engaged to Del?!?"

"no just getting engaged and that"

"not really.. I don't know if I want to get married anyway"

"aye but you could just live with someone"

"yeah......"

God I hate when he starts on like that. He's determined I need a man.

Then he starts on that I should get a dog to take for walks ?! and then before him and G left for the day he said I should get a teddy bear. One minute I'm supposed to want to be getting engaged the next I've just to get a cuddly toy! Did I regress 20 years in that half hour??

Mad S was off [possibly heading for the proverbial chop now.. guess we'll see if he makes it in tomorrow since he's already on his final final final written warning] so I was even fed up on breaks a bit and a couple of things Tucks said got to me although he was just trying to be funny, not meaning anything bad by it. I was just in the sort of mood where I was beyond over-sensitive and in a "yeah you're right, my life sucks and I've lost the will to live.."

Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow when I've had a good nights sleep but I really don't think it was all down to tiredness. I think that just made it worse and harder to hide that I wasn't in the best mood because I just didn't have the energy to be all giggly and falsely cheerful. If that makes ANY sense.

The only thing that really got me laughing [and really - why?? it wasn't funny!] was when they were talking about Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and mentioned the first woman who one it and Harry was like "it was that woman.. Judith wasn't it?" Something about the way he said it, or just the plain fact that someone who spends their time talking about footy and drinking and drugs would pay that much attention to the name of the woman who won WWTOBAM amused me greatly and I ended up pissing myself laughing while everyone else just gave me quizzical looks and made comments

"have you never heard the name Judith before?"

"that WAS her name"

"she's fucking lost the plot man"

"it must be the way you tell it Harry"

"what you doing under the table, Tucks? Somethings making her laugh like that!!"

Yesterday was a very busy day, running around various doors open places. Started off at Dundonald and ended up at Burns Cottage via St Johns Tower which has really great views and Loudon Hall which had a small photography exhibit on. oh and KFC :) Had to have some lunch!

It started to pour buckets when I was on my way home and I ended up getting drowned going for a pizza.

Lesson learned - avoid v-neck tops when its pissing with rain. The water was getting in at the front!!