09 September 2003 | 8:38 p.m.,

confusion is nothing new

I guess yesterdays funk was mostly down to tiredness as I felt a lot better today. Certainly able to walk around work with more of a smile on my face. Or lean against pallettes as the case may be.

Mad S didn't turn up today again and we're pretty certain he's for the boot now if he does come back. Au revoir, thanks for the funny conversations. Okay maybe au revoir is wrong. Doesn't that mean "til I see you again" or something? I don't really want to be running into him anywhere.

It was slightly amusing today that 2 people asked me if I had fallen out with the guys cos I wasn't sitting with them at last break. When I came in the canteen kate and someone from the office were at my usual table so I went and sat on the other side of the canteen [ie two tables away, its not exactly a huge canteen]. I started reading a newspaper that was lying there and by the times the guys came in Kate etc had left so they sat in their usual place. I wasn't about to look like a totally doily and move though.

So Colin asked if I'd fallen out with them when he passed me and then some of the CPM girls sat next to me and Anne asked if I wasn't talking to them. "I wouldn't talk to them!" she said.

As I left the canteen Harry shouts me and was like "whats wrong with sitting here" so obviously they thought I was in the huff or something as well...

The chill was a good laugh though. Last thing PJ and Del decided to do a three legged race so PJ tied their legs together and they were running up and down the chill with their arms round one another [any excuse!! they are all so touchy feely in there - with each other! I'm safe cos I'm female!]. They were doing quite well till PJ crashed into the side of pallette with his head and then stumbled and fell on top of the small pallette Rab was building with Del landing on top of him. I was near ending myself since I seemed to have developped one of my giggling fits. They stayed like that for like 10 or 15 minutes, trying to build Del's pallette while tied together and then printing off labels and pallette wrapping a pallette before climbing over stuff to get to the whole in the wall to shout through to the person on the production line. It was hysterical watching them. Well I thought so and Rab seemed to be having a good laugh at them as well so it wasn't entirely me giggly at unfunny stuff.

Stu came back his fag break and cut them loose.

He's no fun!

Was just having an MSN conversation with Rab, the first for a long while. He was telling me about his trip to the US and stuff and we seemed to be having a normal conversation when he made a comment about "how many hints are you going to drop" and something else and then promptly ignored me. he had said something about learning to ride a bike and I said it was funny cos last time I was walking along the River Ayr I had thought that if my bike didn't have a puncture [which its had for about 10 years] I could have cycled along there. Then he said that. And I was like "hints about what?" and he never replied. He does that sometimes, you are talking to him and then suddenly he just stops talking. And eventually goes offline or away. What you can't say "got to go"? Even if you don't really and just don't want to chat anymore? Sometimes I really don't get him at all. He's a puzzle..

I'm in a weird mood just now. Not a BAD mood, just a weird one that I can't really explain.

I think I'm partly anxious about Saturday. I'm looking forward to seeing P but worried that i'll build it up in my head and it'll be anti-climactic. That happened once before cos I was on line checks and barely saw him the day he came back. And thats what I'm supposed to be doing on Saturday. Still, even one glimpse of that sexy smile is better than nothing..