19 September 2003 | 8:02 p.m.,

looking to the future?

Considering how today started it turned out to be pretty good. Much better that I expected given I woke up at 3am [2 hours early], I knew I was doing line checks all day and P didn't appear to be in first thing.

As it turned out he had slept in and appeared about 7am. For being late he got punted out to the packing hall, mostly rolling beef olives or working on the joints line so basically I got to see him everytime I passed by on my way anywhere. A vast improvement on the usual scenery let me tell you!

I didn't really speak to him a WHOLE lot but I stopped to chat a few times. He said he only came into work because he knew if he didn't he wouldn't see me til Monday. I was like "aye right!" but he was adament that was the only reason he bothered coming in. Later on Shug was being weird [I think he was on speed today, he was behaving so weird - singing, dancing around, making weird comments & frankly, doing my head in by the time I went home!] and when we both walked past P and P-pal he was like "do you know P-pal?" and was telling P-Pal what town i'm from [which i'm sure he knows, like I said Shug was just being weird] and saying thats my only flaw. Then P turns to him and says "thats my future wife you're talking about!" and even repeated it when Shug couldn't hear [or possibly thought he had misheard him!]. He said that a couple of times last year [within a few days] so I was somewhat taken aback that he said it again but it was funny too. Shug didn't know what to say to that and P-Pal just looked at me with a sort of "I can't believe he said that!" look.

Just before last break I was standing with them again and they were just saying that if the mince were going for their break then they might as well go as well and P says "aye, Zara's taking me to macDonalds for break!" and I said "oh yeah! cheeseburgers!" P Pal wanted us to get him a toy cos he loves MacDonalds toys so I went off for my break - to the canteen obviously, not MacDonalds which it would take 10 mins in the car just to get to, never mind eat anything, and we only had a 20 min break! But bloody hell I was craving a cheeseburger after that, so when we eventually got away early I had to pop into MacDonalds for a ¼ pounder with cheese.

I really need to learn some willpower. How come I have the willpower not to let anything happen with P, the one thing that in all honesty I really want, but I can't have the willpower to stop myself going to Maccy D's for a sodding burger, or the chinese. Whenever someone mentions chinese takeaway I'm down there like a shot. Or in the fridge for a chocolate diggie, cheese with my toast instead of butter or honey, all those bottles of diet coke and Irn Bru after I've vowed to give up the caffeine [again..]

It really doesn't make any sense!